12302008

Every day
always manages to somehow get ruined.

Hopefully that changes soon.

On a lighter note, the other night was fun.

Played Questions with Ronnie, Erick, Kim and Mark.

That's always entertaining.

Being so open with people brings you closer,

and I always embrace the opportunity

to become better friends with people.

I've also decided that I really

want to get closer to Ronnie.

We had a good bond before,

but for some reason,

things kind of fell apart.

But I want to change that.

New Year's Resolution?

I think so.

Gen 12302008

12202008

Maybe...
...it's not as complicated as it seems.

The act of committing and resisting is the issue.

What is that appeal that always brings me back?

The will to overcome.

Perhaps that is what I long for the most.

To take to this restriction.

Unfortunately, I'm not as strong as I had hoped.

I am overestimated.

I am weak.

Gen12202008

12202008

New Year's Resolutions and whatnot:
1) Expand my vocabulary.

2) Pick back up on photography.

3) Make up my mind.

4) Read more.

5) Get better at piano.

6) Save gas.

7) Commit to this list.

Gen12202008

12192009

Why?
Answer me that.

Gen 12192008

12142008

So today was good.
A couple of events the past few days.

But for the most part, all is well.

So hoooray.

Time is flying.

It's nuts.

Thanksgiving's gone.

My birthday's done.

Finals this week.

Surgery on Thursday.

Work xmas party on Sunday.

Hopefully, my cheeks aren't

all chipmunk-esque anymore by then.

Then Christmas!

Then New Year's!!!

Fuck.

This is crazy.

Pure insanity.

My new year's resolution, I've decided,

is to actually have one on time and not forget

about it within the next week,

as has been the tradition for the past few years.

Also, Kim and I are planning New Years.

Hopefully things follow through.

If so, it'll be amazing.

Woop woop.

Here's hoping.

Gen12142008

12092008

And so it seems...
that too many of my blogs have

been accompanied by tear-filled eyes

and a broken heart.

Too much drama for my liking, thanks.

But today was good.

Today, I am truly happy.

I can only hope for more days like this.

Gen12092008

12082008

I've come to realize
that this may never go away.

I thought it was done.

We were on the right path.

But, of course, that couldn't happen.

A simple message filled with

criticism, disappointment,

anger, disbelief.

Exactly what we need.

Just feed the flame

as I'm trying to extinguish it.

I'm over it.

Gen12082008

12032008

So I've achieved the complete opposite of what I had hoped.

I have successfully managed to hurt the two people I want most to be happy.

All in one day.

I hate this.

I hate everything about it.

I want nothing more than to move past this.

For good.
I want to make the right decision.

I want to know what I'm supposed to do.
Fuck my life.

Gen12032008

11302008

I want it all
But I know that it's not possible.
It is the one obstacle

that I cannot overcome.

It refuses to go away,

eating away at my thoughts,

my heart, my soul.

I want to break free

from the thoughts

that consume me.

I want to understand

my very self - to decode these emotions

that remain a puzzle.

Most of all,

I want to know

what to do.

I pray for strength.

I pray for guidance.

Gen11302008