06222009

As time progresses and new situations arise,
it is only inevitable that new relationships are formed.
Unfortunately with this, old relationships may also be broken.

I have learned this the hard way,
and although I can't express my gratitude for all that I have,
I sincerely and deeply miss certain people that I have lost.

It is unfortunate to let such a treasured friendship just slip away,
especially after so many years of building it up.
But I understand how loyalties change,
which completely alters the rules of the game.
I just never really expected to have to personally play by them.

Everything happened so quickly.
For so long, I knew my future.
I had everything planned out.
And if you know me at all,
you know how dearly I cling to that.
To being organized.
To knowing what's ahead of me.
But then I went and changed it up.
Not that I regret doing so,
but I miss that security.
Deeper than that,
I miss the bonds I had formed
that were so completely broken
with the changes that occurred.

My greatest fear in this is that
they may never be restored.
And that would truly be heartbreaking.


Gen06222009

06142009

I've always feared failing.
I've feared not being enough -
not living up to my full potential.
And for a long time,
I was completely aware that I wasn't doing anything
to help my situation that I so desperately
wanted to move away from.

But things have changed.
And despite such a short amount of time,
they have changed drastically.
I have found that motivation that I needed.
I now have a plan.
I have now set my sights on my future,
and it's a bright one.
More importantly,
I have taken steps that will eventually
get me to where I want to be.

And now I am confident -
confident in the fact that I can and will succeed,
confident in the fact that happiness is almost positively assured.

Things are good
and will only get better.
I know it.

Gen06142009

06092009

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
-Shakespeare


I have known love.
I have experienced it more than once.
In each of those times, I had more than my share of troubles.
And for a good while, I truly felt that despite everything,
my relationships were immovable.
But I've learned otherwise.

And perhaps it's naive of me to say so,
but I truly feel that this time around is different.
A marriage of true minds, so to speak.
From the beginning, there was an attraction from both ends.
In fact, attraction is too shallow a word to describe
that instant connection that we shared.
And from the moment we started hanging out,
we were inseparable,
and that remains to this day.

Granted, we haven't had many obstacles to overcome,
save one.
And still, judging from the way things have been handled
with this one considerable impediment,
I can already see the difference.
Despite such "tempests",
our relationship has not been shaken.
Not in the least.
If anything, we have only grown stronger,
as it should be.

I am so completely content,
as I've expressed in my past several blogs.
"It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken."
The happiness and love that I feel is so immense,
it is immeasurable.
And although no physical measurement
can be put with such great emotion,
its boundlessness is one that any person can notice.

And I have complete faith that our love will not
fade with time, but in fact do the complete opposite.
Shakespeare describes what love is not:
"Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come"
Love is not susceptible to time.
It does not change with the hours and weeks,
"But bears it out even to the edge of doom."
Despite spending so much time with each other,
our feelings have only intensified,
and I believe it will continue to do so
because every day, every second spent with him
is just another moment that I can take in
and appreciate just how amazing he truly is.


Gen06092009

06082009

I love my friends.

And I don't think I tell them that enough.
Perhaps the casual "I love you" at the end of every phone conversation,
but I don't take nearly enough time to express my appreciation.

With absolutely no exaggeration,
I would be completely lost without certain people in my life.
And because of that,
I am so grateful to have them there for me.

Kimberly Clarke
The love of my life,
my sister,
my rock.
You are the best friend anyone could ever ask for.
You are just an amazing person in general,
and I strive to be as good of a person as you.
You are one of the most caring people I know,
and you give so much without even thinking of asking for anything in return.
Your selflessness and your immovable faith is so admirable.
I can't even begin to count how many times
you've stayed up with me,
listening to me cry about my problems
and offering whatever advice you could.
I know you worry about not being able to
give the best advice because you
haven't been in the same situation,
but just being there and listening is sometimes all that you need.
But you go above and beyond because you
try to put yourself in the same situation.
Honestly, I feel like you carry the whole world on your shoulders,
and all I want is to be able to help you lift that burden.
I want to be able to give back,
at least minutely,
a portion of what you have given me.
It saddens me how hard you are on yourself
because you really have no reason to be.
You take on so much responsibility,
more than anyone could ever expect from you.
That, in itself, is noteworthy.
You are a remarkable person, Kimberly **** Clarke,
and I love you dearly.

Pauline Jimenez
I adore you.
You are one of the most lively people I know.
Just being around you is a breath of fresh air
because you always know how to have a good time.
But deeper than that, you probably get me the best.
You and I can relate to each other really well,
and I know that if I ever have a problem,
I can turn to you.
You have been with me through the times
in which I've changed the most, and I you.
Perhaps the most pivotal times in our lives
have been experienced with each other.
And because of that, we share a deeper bond than most.
I have seen you go through so many transitions
and grow into the person you are now.
I know you've been through some hard times,
but they've only made you stronger.
I am so proud of you and everything you have accomplished.
You are fantastic, Paulie Pocket,
and I love you dearly.

You two have been with me the past 5 years,
the most memorable that I've had in my entire 18.
We have gone through so much together,
and I have no doubt that our friendships will last forever.
So thank you for everything you have done for me.
I can only hope that I have given something back in return.

Gen06082009

06032009

I have met one of the most amazing people in the world.
The word amazing has been used so loosely that I feel it has lost its effect,
but I can say with all honesty that this boy is, in fact, amazing.

He’s so beyond extraordinary in every way.
And to this day, despite spending almost 3 weeks straight with him [with the exception of work],
I still cannot find the words to describe him.
He is unique in the best possible way.

I have met many people, but none quite like him.
The effect he has on me is one that is indescribable.
I am the happiest I have been in a very long time.
But it’s so much more than just being happy because happiness can come from so many different places and people and in different ways.
I am inspired.
Just the fact that he contemplates these ideas that are so far beyond high school drama and every day insignificance is exceptionally admirable.
I have found that motivation that I was so desperately searching for.
I find myself thinking in new ways.
And perhaps that is also a principle reason for my newfound bliss.
I have been able to move past such triviality and onto deeper things – things that truly matter.
And I think I’ve known all along that that’s exactly what I needed, but I needed something or someone to show me how to do so.

I had previously written that I feel like I haven't left my mark on this world nor will I ever.
But now, I feel like I’ve made a difference.
I think that in being in such a content state, I have been able to accept that I have actually made an impact.
I have been told by several people that I have, in some way or another, been a significant influence in their lives.
And really, that’s all I want. I realize now that I don’t need to change the world.
If I can at least change one person for the better, then I am satisfied.

So the point is:
I am happy - happier than any mundane blog could ever begin to explain.
I can only wish that each person can experience the revelation that I have.
I can only pray that everyone can be as lucky as I am because I am, quite possibly, the luckiest person in the world. :]

Gen 06032009